Mind Garten

Pie at 1am Last night I was driving around town aimlessly, with no intention of going anywhere in particular. I had just got done watching the last showing of "Harry Potter", a much needed break and retreat from reality. Suddenly, it struck me. I need pie! Without warning, I was a man on a mission. Where do you find pie in the middle of the night when every sane-minded person has gone to bed, or is completely drunk out of their mind. There was only one answer, and it was Shari's! Yes, a 24-hour establishment that serves home-cooking, courtesy of Mexican immigrants, just like your dear sweet Ma used to make. Where else would you want to go? Driving into the parking lot of Shari's, my heart sank and a bad taste developed in my mouth. Nearly all the parking spots were full, and it looked like there was a line waiting to be seated. The place was crowded. I was expecting a nice, relaxed, low-key pie consumption event. But it was not to be. The pie...

Illicit Business As we all know, college is expensive. You must pay for tuition, student fees, beer, books, food, rent, beer, and clothing. All these expenses certainly add up, and holding a part time job at your local 7-Eleven just isn't going to cut it. I personally have felt the bite of fascist student fees supporting everything from Religious Cults to the Porn Viewer's Club, all posing as legitimate student groups. And tuition rises? All the result of commie free-market liberalization! But all this political undertone aside, the Man is putting me in debt, and I have to do something about it. I've been forced to turn to alternative forms of income. I started simple by digging up my old midterms and finals and selling them to the gullible freshmen for a marked-up price of $50. Of course, the tests are useless since new ones are drafted every year, but I neglected to tell them that. After a while, I realized that all my cheater-wannabe customers were ...

Cat Olympics I woke up last night with several cats in my room. They were having an Olympics competition, competing in various arenas. They had the 100m dash running from my roommate's to my room as fast as they could. There was the stalking tournament, a recent addition to the games, where they attempt to gain the "advantage" by surprising your opponent when he or she is distracted by a piece of string. Points were awarded based on success of ambush and artistic impression in the maneuver such as the pounce and the preceded butt-wiggling. They also had the judo competition where you try to pin your opponent to the floor. A number of extra rules have been added to the cat version which include clawing, biting, and pummeling your opponent senseless when you have him pinned to the ground. Extra points are given to the one being beaten if he escapes and quickly returns again for more punishment. In the midst of the judo competition, I realized that I was tr...