Emerging from My Dark Hole

I realize that I haven't updated my website in quite some time. I assure you that it wasn't completely deliberate, but I did purposefully set aside my involvement when finals were soon approaching.

You see back in mid-November, I had two really huge things taking over my time. The first was preparing for finals, which was no small feat. The second involved finishing my graduate school applications and taking the GRE test. The GRE is an entrance exam into graduate schools akin to what SATs are to undergraduate schools. Combining these 2 things together, I was left with virtually no time for anything else beyond eating, sleeping, the occasional shower, and the amount of time it took to throw things on my floor whenever I came home.

After finals were over, I was kind of in a daze. I spent the next few days indulging myself in alcohol, movies, books, and computer games. But soon the desire to do something productive overcame me and I began doing the research I wanted to do during the school term but did not have the time to do. I kind of lost myself in this as well and usually spent my days alone with the cats since my roommate took off for Iowa. I came to town for a couple days for Christmas, but that was the extent of my contact with the outside world.

It's been a week and a half into the next school term. School isn't as exciting as it was last term, but that might be because I'm taking a much lighter load this term and am not under constant pressure to get things done. I have more free time, but I'm spending that working on my robot project that I started last term. Last term was planning, but now we're doing some actual building. It should be interesting.

Pie at 1am

Last night I was driving around town aimlessly, with no intention of going anywhere in particular. I had just got done watching the last showing of "Harry Potter", a much needed break and retreat from reality. Suddenly, it struck me. I need pie!

Without warning, I was a man on a mission. Where do you find pie in the middle of the night when every sane-minded person has gone to bed, or is completely drunk out of their mind. There was only one answer, and it was Shari's!

Yes, a 24-hour establishment that serves home-cooking, courtesy of Mexican immigrants, just like your dear sweet Ma used to make. Where else would you want to go?

Driving into the parking lot of Shari's, my heart sank and a bad taste developed in my mouth. Nearly all the parking spots were full, and it looked like there was a line waiting to be seated. The place was crowded. I was expecting a nice, relaxed, low-key pie consumption event. But it was not to be.

The pie gods had seen fit to deprive me of this one satisfaction. Waiting 10 minutes before sitting amongst loud-noised heathens was too high a price to pay. I had to go without. There was no other option.

Sullenly, I drove home grumbling to myself. It would be another 3 hours before the caffeine wore off, and I would be able to sleep. But that's okay, because I would do what I do every night. I would have a backgammon marathon! ....... err, I mean do dance aerobics! .... err, do homework!

Illicit Business

As we all know, college is expensive. You must pay for tuition, student fees, beer, books, food, rent, beer, and clothing. All these expenses certainly add up, and holding a part time job at your local 7-Eleven just isn't going to cut it.

I personally have felt the bite of fascist student fees supporting everything from Religious Cults to the Porn Viewer's Club, all posing as legitimate student groups. And tuition rises? All the result of commie free-market liberalization!

But all this political undertone aside, the Man is putting me in debt, and I have to do something about it. I've been forced to turn to alternative forms of income.

I started simple by digging up my old midterms and finals and selling them to the gullible freshmen for a marked-up price of $50. Of course, the tests are useless since new ones are drafted every year, but I neglected to tell them that.

After a while, I realized that all my cheater-wannabe customers were under the legal drinking age. I also surmised that they would be willing to buy cheap, watered-down alcohol at a ridiculously marked up price! Thus, began my new career in boot-legging in the dorms. I made weekly rounds, selling everything from whiskey, beer, schnaps, tequila, and Korean soju. I've had a couple close calls when my customers were a little over-zealous in their consumption, and subsequently jumped out windows, harassed the dorm staff, and pissed on peoples cars. Luckily, I used a secret code name in my dealings, so that the police couldn't trace any of those incidents back to me.

Did you know that you can make a fortune as a male-stripper? It's true! All you have to have is tight abs, firm buttocks, a meaty bare chest, and dashing good looks. All of which I have none. So, I've been forced to work in the "budget" strip bars. With some talent, you can take a hairy back, limp and flabby muscles, and shriveled testicles to your advantage. I've pioneered and patented this special move called the "Gorilla" which I dare not reveal here hence it be stolen!

Finally, I realized that the most money could be made by selling school children highly addictive drugs. I got an entire kindergarten class hooked on heroin. They're funding their habits by literally raiding cookie jars and sneaking Pop-Tarts to school. I take the Pop-Tarts as initial payment but have them write IOUs so when they're older and can earn money, I'll be literally raking it in.

Well, perhaps this doesn't completely finance my goal of getting an education and living the American dream. If I'm ever going to fulfill my dream of becoming a social worker and helping people, I'll need a lot of money and a lot of drugs to do it. So the big BIG money is in blackmail!

Ever since I discovered who *really* killed Kennedy, I contacted and extorted money from him. The unfortunate thing is he's been blackmailed by a hundred people all ready. By this time he was really experienced with this, and put me on the "standard package" which involves a payment plan, stock options, and a trip to the Bahamas. Unfortunately stocks are useless, the money doesn't come in fast enough, and I'm allergic to the sun.

As you can imagine, all this work during the school year can really cut into your free time. Perhaps I might just consider cutting back on my expenses. Looking at my budget, the biggest sink for my money is my compulsory gambling. I keep buying Keno tickets and spending late nights at the Bingo hall. I can't stop now! Sooner or later I'll win the big one and all my finance problems will be over!

Cat Olympics

I woke up last night with several cats in my room. They were having an Olympics competition, competing in various arenas. They had the 100m dash running from my roommate's to my room as fast as they could.

There was the stalking tournament, a recent addition to the games, where they attempt to gain the "advantage" by surprising your opponent when he or she is distracted by a piece of string. Points were awarded based on success of ambush and artistic impression in the maneuver such as the pounce and the preceded butt-wiggling.

They also had the judo competition where you try to pin your opponent to the floor. A number of extra rules have been added to the cat version which include clawing, biting, and pummeling your opponent senseless when you have him pinned to the ground. Extra points are given to the one being beaten if he escapes and quickly returns again for more punishment.

In the midst of the judo competition, I realized that I was trying to sleep, and I couldn't have Olympic games going on in my room at 1am in the morning. I was forced to call off the games and postpone them until morning. Winners will be declared next week.

Caffeine Hallucinations and Evil Spirits

(Disclaimer: No evil spirits were harmed in the making of this journal entry.)

My days have been 16 hour blurs. Some might say that I'm very productive in this span of time. Others would argue that the sleep deprivation and the high caffeine blood levels induce a frantic feedback loop that spirals one down into madness and depravity.

Looking up from the depths, the view isn't that bad from down here. Sure, you lose touch with reality. You forget that there's a world out there beyond the next assignment, the next project, and the next cup of coffee. But interesting things happen in this state. You can accomplish things that you couldn't otherwise.

Forget about a being "balanced" and leading a healthy lifestyle. Several times, I've caught myself only drinking coffee from morning to the afternoon. I simply neglect to feed myself. Additionally, I only eat about 1.5 meals a day. My biggest meal is usually lunch. I gorge myself on as large a meal as possible. On either side of lunch, I pad it with a light breakfast and/or a light evening snack. That seems to be enough to keep me satisfied.

This kind of diet isn't possible with an "active" and "healthy" lifestyle. I spend more hours sitting in a chair, back hunched over a table, while clutching a pencil in my arthritic hands, than I do standing up or walking. Exercise? Forget about it. The most active part of my day is rush-walking across campus to my next class.

My home is now the library, and the buildings I have my classes in. My only time spent at my apartment is the 45 minutes before I go to bed, 7-8 hours of sleep, and 45 minutes before I leave in the morning. My presence in this apartment is barely felt. It's a good thing that I have a roommate otherwise this apartment would fall quickly into disarray with the cats running amok.

I am now up an hour later than I should be, and I'm going to feel the punishment in the morning. That is, until I get my next cup of coffee.

The Burden of Fame

I picked up my Nobel prize this morning. It was kind of a hassle really, but the press would have been hounding me all day if I didn't do it. I had to get up 30 minutes earlier than usual, so I could make it class on time.

The Oscar, I told them to send by mail. It just wasn't worth showing up in person and to then be lavished with expensive dining, drinking, and beautiful women. I mean, who wants all that?

The Emmy I got last year, I gave to my cousin. He was having more fun with it in his mouth then I was having it over my fireplace along with all the other honors and trivialties. Maybe some day he'll grow up enough to realize that sucking on a statue isn't very fun and will have the decency to pass it along to some other toddling, pewking crap-factory. I'd like to think my Emmy is out there doing good.

Now, don't ask me about Pulitzers. Okay, you asked me. I have 7 or 8. I kind of lost count. I stopped paying attention to which of my masterpieces they bestowed the honor upon after that year they gave me a Pulitzer for a very provocative piece I published in the Want Ads, demanding $300 for an used Buick when it was clearly only worth $150. After that, Pulitzers kind of lost their meaning to me.

Sure dining with politicians is fun, but do you know how annoying it is to have them constantly asking you for advice? And I've turned down the presidential nomination at least 5 times by now. When will they get the picture that I'm trying to lead a quiet and normal life?

So you want the answer to life's question? Tough! I'm keeping it to myself. I realized that the world isn't ready to know. Do you know how difficult it is to keep a secret like that? No, of course you don't. That's why I envy your ignorant and simple lives. I wish I could just own a van down by a river and spend the rest of my days in solitude without the press, the public, the politicians, and the Illuminati chasing after me.

Real-time Food Court Drama

I sat there staring at the cup of water on the table. Why was she drinking only water? Why didn't she order some food or soda?

I told her about the heavy drinking last night with Jeffrey and how I was really hung over this morning. I also mentioned my midterm 2 hours ago in which I most likely failed. The physics teacher is a fucking asshole, so it wasn't my fault if my grades are low. He hates me. That's all there is to it.

Running out of things to complain about, I asked her how her day was. She began blabbering on about something. She mentioned Saturday and my mind began drifting off to this weekend when I was going to drive to Salem with Jeffrey to catch a party. Most likely there would be lots of beer and lots of sleezy women. Of course, I'd have to be as tactful as possible, so Michelle wouldn't find out. Which brought me back to the present with her finishing something about her stupid dog's skin condition.

"That reminds me, this Saturday I'm going with Jeffrey to Salem to catch a party," I interrupted. Here it comes. This Saturday? she asked. "Yeah, this Saturday." Aren't you forgetting something? "No. What am I forgetting?" It's only our 3 month anniversary! "You actually keep track?!"

She began hassling me about "not caring" and about this being "typical." Our voices had begun to raise, and by this time we were attracting the attention of several people around us. I thought about saying something, but the bitch was embarassing herself! It wasn't my fault.

The cup of water still sat on the table, untouched for several minutes.

Things were starting to get out of hand. She began going on about "re-thinking our relationship" and "spending time apart." I decided I needed to straighten things out a bit.

"Look, I can have dinner with you on Sunday. This is nothing to have a hissy-fit about." She glared at me, gave me the stink-eye, and said, excuse me? Obviously she wasn't responding to reason.

I noticed the cup of water again, and it began to take on a new meaning for me. A feeling of blandness like our relationship had been.

I don't think I can do this anymore, she announced.

What's this? Is she trying to break up with me? "What do you mean?" I asked.

I think this relationship is going nowhere.

At this point I stopped hearing what she said because I was so infuriated. She, break up with me? How dare she! After all I did, dating her when no one else would. I was doing her a favor! And now she's throwing it in my face. That ungrateful bitch!

Looking up again, I started to notice tears falling down her cheeks, onto the table, just barely missing the cup. The bystanders who were previously watching us, were now ferociously trying to mind their own business, while giving me brief glimpses of contempt.

"Fine," I said. "Fine. Fine. Fine!" She wasn't worth this much trouble. I didn't have to put up with this shit.

We sat there for a minute in silence, as if trying to figure out what to do next, very aware of the cautious eyes all around us.

Suddenly infuriated, I grabbed my bag and yelled, "I'm going!" Doubly infuriated that I didn't find something more spiteful to say, something to make her regret ever breaking up with me, something that would leave her crying each night for weeks to come, I smacked the cup and splashed the water all over her.

I marched out of the building and down the hall to the lobby. My sullen expression slowly began to assume the form of a grin. I was feeling quite satisfied with myself.

I waited for a few minutes and sure enough she began walking up the hall to my position, a bemused expression on her face. The farce was over and we were reaping the benefits from our performance. She laughed, holding up a business card saying, "Some guy from campus ministries gave me his card and told me to come in if I wanted couseling!" How perfect could it have ended?



We talked it over, laughing quite a bit, discussing our technique. "I think that was a nice touch splashing the water like that," she said.

"Yeah, it made me look like a real asshole didn't it?" I wondered if this fiasco might follow me around campus. I thought it would be very fun if it did. I was now back to being single, having only had a 5-minute relationship before it finally crumbled and burst into flames.

Although, I think I'm going to miss Jeffrey and our nights of getting drunk and chasing sleezy women.

Fake Relationships

I'm not feeling very inspirational today. I'm mostly a little tired from all the homework I've had to do. Add to it that none of my project team members showed up to our scheduled meeting today but me, only 6 hours of sleep last night, and one less cup of coffee today, and you have a college student who is very tired and unenthusiastic right now.

One of the things that I am enjoying right now is my club involvement. The only 2 clubs that really involve any activity are the robotics club and the drama club.

For the robotics club, I've taken on the role of facilitator for project planning. Basically, I'm planning tasks that help organize the design ideas and put them in a deliverable form. This contrasts sharply with the workshop tinkering that was going on before. This has been going on for several months as far as I know. Regardless, we have some very smart people on our team



I also have the drama club which, as you know, I've been planning guerilla theater events. Last event was street preaching about a fake religion in front of the library. That was a lot of fun, but the next event is relationship break-ups in public places. We plan to have couples get involved in loud and dramatic discussions in some place with a lot of people with much screaming and yelling and finally a clean cut as the two walk away in fierce anger. It should be fun.

We plan to do our first break-up tomorrow.



And this is me taking a picture of my cat at 5:30am in the morning. Who can guess what book that is at the bottom of the picture?

Holy Noses and Happy Russians

It's been an interesting couple days for me. Actually, it's been an interesting couple weeks. I am now a member of 4 clubs. This includes the OSU's American Society of Mechanical Engineers (ASME), OSU's IEEE the electrical engineering society, the Masque and Dagger Theater Guild, and the Society for Robotic Visions at Oregon State (SRVOS), or better known as the Robot Club.

In fact, I just got done with a SRVOS meeting. We were discussing and organizing our project goals. Apparently they've been working on this robot for several months last year, but it's been slow going. I decided to take the opportunity to apply the skills I'm learning in my design class and help these guys organize their goals and objectives. So far it's been really productive, but there's still a lot of work to do. We haven't even got around to design ideas yet.

This morning was rough for me since I stayed up to 11pm doing homework. This may not seem late, but I have to get up every morning at 6am. I got up, bumped my alarm 15 minutes ahead and got in some extra rest.

Last night, toiling away at the local Shari's, some Russian guy walks into the restaurant, speaking very little English and orders himself some food. Now what would a non-English speaking Russian be doing in a small-town Shari's at 11pm at night? He ordered his food and took about 45 minutes to finish his meal. Apparently Russians are a lot more patient about their meals than we Americans. They take the time to savour the food. We Americans try to shovel it down as fast as we can, so we can make that appointment we're already late for.

Remembering my 3 years of high school Russian, and one term of college Russian, I felt tempted to try and speak with him. I don't think I've ever tried to apply my Russian knowledge before. Whenever I encountered a Russian speaker, I was always too embarassed to attempt conversation. However, having spent 3 months in Korea and not speaking a bit of Korean somehow changed my view on things. I wanted to talk to him to make him feel more welcome rather than practice my skills.

So I tried, and he was genuinely very happy to talk to me. We didn't really talk about anything significant. I had a very difficult time understanding him, but I'm used to having big gaps in conversation and resorting to body language. Being that I told him my Russian-equivalent name, Yakov (Jacob), he began using the endearing form on me, Yasha. I expected there to be a certain amount of formality in our conversation, but there wasn't a bit. I was immediately his friend, and he must have shook my hand like 10 times.

This was the conclusion to an interesting day where earlier I found myself out in the sun, wearing an aluminum foil hat, tissues in hand, preaching to the masses about the All-Nosing Joe. You see, I finally executed the plan of covert guerilla acting that was hatched less than 2 weeks ago.

Aaron, my partner in crime, and I were supposed to meet in the cafe at 1pm. I was supposed to bring the fliers. I printed out 400. He was supposed to bring the aluminum foil beanies, the boxes of tissue, and the Groucho Marx glasses. We each were supposed to wear conservative church attire.



I got to the cafe about 30 minutes early, so I tried to spend the time studying. Unfortunately, I couldn't focus because the realization that I was actually going to go out into the courtyard and proselytize a non-sensical religion was beginning to take it's toll. But I had planned ahead and was already prepared.

5 minutes before Aaron arrived, I snuck into the bathroom and did 2 shots of Korean soju. That stuff hits you hard and fast, and the anxiety immediately went away. I was definitely ready to go outside and make a complete fool of myself. To do what had to be done for the good of the theater! The show must go on!

Aaron arrived, and we took our stuff up to the 2nd floor of the library where we rented a storage locker for the occasion. We began assembling our religious paraphenilia which consisted of cheap-ass big-nose glasses that we had to adorn via rubber bands because they were too small, aluminum foil beanies to protect ourselves from psychotronic mind control, and boxes of tissue made into duct tape necklaces to offer the lost souls so that they might "sneeze and be saved." We took each other's picture before venturing out into the sea of heathens.




Out in the courtyard we began passing out fliers, handing out tissues, and preaching things like "Joe is All-Nosing", "Joe Blows", "All Hail Joe", "Sneeze and be Saved", and "Salvation Blows!" "Can you smell Joe?" I would ask people menacingly as they walked by desperately trying to mind their own business. Occasionally I had revelations and felt compelled to preach to the entire library at once. My sermons were short and to the point and left those in the audience in silent contemplation.

My co-conspirator, Brother Gumby, was far more enthusiastic than I was and felt compelled to run around the whole of the courtyard giving flyers to people who spent the extra 30 seconds walking around to try and avoid us. In fact, he was such a maniac, he got rid of his entire 200 fliers while I had only handed out 80. Perhaps I was too filled with the smell of Joe to focus on the task at hand.




It is interesting to observer the responses of normal people from the perspective of the proselytizer. Responses varied from completely ignoring us, verbally rejecting offers of informational fliers, silently accepting the fliers, taking the fliers with interest, smirking, and enthusiastic amusement. However I was a bit at an observational disadvantage since I couldn't wear my glasses during my performance, so I couldn't gauge people's facial expressions. According to Brother Gumby, he got a lot of dirty looks, but I suppose that's expected from people who cannot smell the divinity of Joe.

After we ran out of fliers, we went back inside the library to get our stuff and go home. I think the best part of the whole experience was when we were walking up the stairs, I saw one of our fliers crumpled up and discarded on the floor. That discarded paper gave me an immense feeling of satisfaction that a job was well done. Some poor sap had read that flier, been completely annoyed by and didn't even give it the decency of a proper disposal. It was good work.

Unfortunately I haven't been able to obtain pictures of myself in the act, but hopefully those will be forthcoming since I know that at least someone took pictures.

Dances with Chickens

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. I see them, stand up and ask, "Is this some kind of joke?" They look at me, disappointed, and leave. Some day soon, we will rid the world of all bad punch lines.

The weekend was fun. I went to the beach to see one of my old friends' wedding. She got married and the 3-month old kid was in the ceremony too. It's been a while since I've been in a church.

I'm wearing a tie right now. Last night I searched the internet to find tie-tying instuctions. It took me about 20 minutes to practice it enough to finally be able to do it properly. Now my tie looks nice and sharp. It's going to be an interesting day.

Now I have to go cut some paper. More later.

Extreme Crocodile Frisbee Scavenger Hunt

Yesterday was a very extreme day. I was so busy, I couldn't even think. I had extreme coffee from 7-11 at a steal of 69 cents! Then I rode the bus to school at an extreme speed of 25mph. Those buses are so crazy that they have to cap the top speed to 25 so one of the bus drivers doesn't take some hapless pedestrian's head off.

Then I got to the campus, finished my coffee earlier than usual and ordered another one. Usually when I drink that much coffee I start getting sick, and sure enough I was in a terrible state that I began to walk around like a maniac, screaming maniacal nonsense, and feeling like my head was going to explode.

I went to my one and only class and planned to spend of the rest of the day reading and doing homework. However, the pounding in my head and the sensory-enhanced crowd in the cafe room made it very difficult for me to complete much. After about 4 hours, I completed 2 homework problems and had read about 20 pages.

However, at 5:00pm I went to the first drama club meeting of the year. Surprisingly, the experience greatly enlivened me. I was expecting a terrible lot, but I felt much better afterwards. After that, I ran as fast I could to the IEEE meeting which started 10 minutes after the drama club meeting ended, and was totally on the other side of the campus. Showing up late, I signed my name on the roster, stayed for 20 minutes, and left as soon as the pizza arrived. I wasn't very hungry and I still had lots of homework to do.

Today was a lot more coherent. The thoughts of despair and impending suicide had stopped, and I felt more enthusiastic about school again. 5 engineering classes in one day can take its toll. I wondered to myself this morning if a normal human being can absorb that much technical knowledge in one day. I'll never know, of course, because how can I remember what I forget?

Classes ended, and I headed to the computer to check email. I got a couple strange emails from friends ranting and raving nonsense about me being dead. Which makes it doubly strange since why would they email me and offer their condolences if they thought I was dead? Well, I try not to ask too many questions about my friends since I might get answers that cause me nightmares.

Tragedy at the Pier

Something terrible happened yesterday. I completely forgot to do my mechanics homework, and it was due yesterday. Of course, this isn't surprising since I'm dead. Yes, that's right. I'm dead.

You see, last night I was also involved in a botched drug deal. I was supposed to meet Escobar down by the docks to pick up the new shipment. I came there offering him $50 million for the lot, but he wanted $60 million. I thought I could dicker him down to my level, but he didn't want to budge. Getting a little annoyed, I started getting verbally abusive just to show him that I meant what I said.

A word to the wise: never talk back to a Colombian drug lord. Before I knew it, the guns were out, and they were pointed at my head. Just realizing that I left my gun on the kitchen table, I silently cursed my selective memory. I tried to be all righteous and play against his morality. I dared him to shoot me. I told him he'd be accomplished a lot shooting an unarmed man. I tried to injure his pride or his conscience. Heck, anything that had a set of values in that head of is.

This again is where I sorely miscalculated. This man had killed before. Before I knew it, the first bullet hit my chin and shattered my jaw. I can only remember the agonizing pain, but somewhere along the way I landed on the ground and was staring into the barrel of a pistol. I tried to say something, but what was left of my mouth was ground beef.

The second bullet went through my forehead and out the back through the floorboards of the dock, the bullet lost in the water below me. I was instantly dead.

I think I was lying there for about 6 hours before the morning dock workers discovered me and called the police. They took some photos and hauled my corpse-ass to the morgue. I'm now lying comfortably in a freezer waiting for my next of kin to be contacted to identify my body.

It's kind of embarassing for my parents to find out about me this way. I mean, I very rarely miss a homework assignment. I would have preferred telling them over the phone instead of some coroner-- who I don't know-- handing them the unfinished assignment found in my pocket. That's life I suppose.

Wake Up!

I woke up this morning with someone yelling at me, "Come feed me!". It was 4:30am. I tried to ignore it and go back to the sleep, but the voice was persistent. "I need service!"

I turned in my bed and squinted at the clock. Yes, it was indeed 4:30am. I then began scanning my room for the source of the voice. There was no one there. Only my cat, Bean, was sitting there looking at me intently. I asked him what he wanted. He meowed at me. He always avoids the question.

I decided to roll over and go back to sleep. I'll just ignore the voice. Soon, I was about to fight a dragon with my wand and assortment of magical spells. I told the apprentice to take my horse and retreat to safety, but he retorted, "Hey! I'm talking to you!"

Realizing that I was still in bed, there was no doubt that the voice came from within my room. I sat up this time and looked around, but only saw my cat. It was now 4:45am. I sat silent for a long time waiting for the voice to repeat itself, but Bean kept interrupting the silence with his persistent meows. Likewise, he didn't seem to be unnerved by the strange voice in the room. I was beginning to suspect that I was hearing things.

A bit unnerved, I rolled over back in bed, and silently waited for the voice to repeat. During this time, Bean felt compelled to crawl all over me and make lots of noise. With cat paws on my head, and cat butt in my face, I stealthily waited for the perpetrator to repeat itself. Despite my near-ninja skills, it turned 5am and there was not a peep in the room.

Now completely unable to sleep and a cat lying on my head, I decided there was no use in trying to go back to sleep. I grabbed my glasses, turned on the light, and went to feed the cat. Maybe I can get some early homework done this morning.

More Korea Pictures

Since I finally have broadband access, and I have time, I thought I'd show some more Korea pictures from where I left off.



This is a huge spider I saw munching on a praying mantis sized insect. I saw a lot of these spiders, but it was a while before I found a live one of those green insects it's chewing on. A very unique insect.


This is one of the first things you see at the Buddhist museum I visited near Icheon. The entire courtyard is stocked full of statues and sculptures.


These are supposed to be fish. Fish have special meaning in Buddhism in that their eyes are always open, which symbolize constant studying. That's something I can definitely relate to.


I guess you could call this postmodern buddhist art. I have no idea what it symbolizes, but it's a fairly modern sculpture. I have a feeling this was made by the museum's owner's wife's brother's second cousin who is an aspiring artist. The museum curator probably took it out of family-obliged pity.


Finally, one of the many Buddhas all over this courtyard. This just happened to be in a secluded corner of the park nestled into an alcove of ivy.

I'll post more later.

The Making of a Hole Puncher

I completed my shop project today. Well, it's almost complete. The punch shaft to my hole puncher has a well-rounded and smooth edge, so as a result, my punching is kind of impotent. I need to take it back to the sandbelt and sharpen the end.

The process was laborious and time-consuming, specked with moments of incredible frustration. Having a computer and electrical background, working in the machine shop is a very new experience. For one, every single piece of equipment and part is measured in English units. Spending my years working in the la-la land of metric and ideal quantities left me ill-prepared to work with 16ths, 32nds, and tolerances of +- .005 inches.

The shop instructor kept getting exasperated with me because I could never remember the things he tried to show me. He would show me something on a machine I'd never seen before, working with a material I have no experience with, describing in terminology that is completely foreign to me, and get upset when I start doing something wrong. Of course, whenever I try to ask a question, he gets angry and talks over my inquiries.

Despite these frustrating experiences, I know for a fact that I learned quite a bit. I now know what a reamer, a lathe, a mill, threads, a 2-fluke center mill, and what a bevel, a countersink, a burr, and a chamfer are. These are not things I knew about earlier this Monday.

Now I have a nice and shiny, sand-blasted holl puncher that's barely usable. An ASME project competition is coming up soon that I'll have to participate in as part of a class objective. The goal is to design an efficient machine to lift a bucket of "ore" up a ramp and dump it into a repository using only the potential energy of 2 liters of water. I have yet to start brainstorming on the project, but I'll get my opportunity next week.

The Divine Sneeze

Since the end of last term, I've been planning with a friend to be a little more "active" on campus this year. Specifically, I mean to stage on-campus altercations, such as protests or street preaching. But it's not quite what it seems. In a meeting I just concluded, next week we plan to preach on campus about the Almighty Joe and the Divine Sneeze, a completely made-up religion with its own absurd rhetoric.

This is an attempt at something that can best be called guerilla theater. If you look on the internet, you'll find that some people use this term to describe "underground theater" or plays with large political overtones. My meaning is nothing of the sort. In fact, it is a complete attempt to bring as much nonsense into a public place as possible.

We're going to start out small. This business with the Divine Sneeze is only our pilot project to see how well it works. After that, we'll attempt much larger projects with several people involved.

I think guerilla theater can best be described as bringing the stage to the people and involving normal people in the play without their knowledge. The whole purpose is something of a social experiment, as opposed to an artistic motive. The details are still in the works, but I'll describe more about what we're planning to do as soon as it solidifies.

Hey Buddy, Why Don't You Wear Your Coat?

The weather in the early morning is below freezing, with ice on my car windshields, and fog in the air. In a makeshift attempt to scrape the ice off my rear window, I use the sharp edge a pop can, but I only succeed in putting scratches in the window. Great way to start the day.

Then on my way to school, listening to the radio and driving through the fog, I get lost and think I miss my turn. The fog makes my surroundings seem strange. I was on the right street, but I just didn't go far enough. I end up turning and getting even more lost. It takes me about 15 minutes to figure out where the hell I am and drive me to where I want to be. That's about 10 minutes longer than it needed to be.

Even though the weather is very chilly, I take my black trenchcoat off and carry it on my arm. The very act of walking overheats my body. So having no coat provides an excellent equilibrium with the cold air when performing any kind of physical activity. While walking across campus, some girl takes it upon herself to criticize me for not wearing my coat. Hey buddy, why don't you wear your coat? I don't know, I reply dumbly. Are you from Alaska? No, I say. I'm from here.

I can't help but contrast this with my experience in Korea, where I had to wear shorts every day, and keep an applied wind on my body in the form of an electric or handheld fan. The absence of these conditions always led to profuse sweating. Back here in Oregon, I'm likely not to sweat again for 6 months until Spring comes around.

Horror Stories in Shop Class

Last night I had my first shop class which will continue for three more days until I get certified to use the workshop on my own for class projects. It's an evening class from 5-9pm, which makes you a little eager for the whole thing to be over.

Most of the large power tools are designed for working with sheet metal and other materials. Walking around the shop is a bit frightening since it seems that some or all of these devices could rip your head off if you touched a wrong button.

So the shop manager gave us a tour of all the equipment with simple demonstrations of their use if possible. Of course, with each power tool, he felt obligated to tell a horror story about each one when someone got injured by it. For instance, there was the guy trying to drill a hole through a piece of sheet metal and was holding the piece steady with his stomach. When that drill got halfway through, the sheet metal began spinning with the drill like a top and sliced open the guys stomach. Not too deep, but it was pretty bloody.

Then there was the guy who cut the skin between his thumb and index finger with a bandsaw. He ended up getting 42 stitches to close it back up.

And finally, my personal favorite was when a guy wanted to drill a hole in this really thick piece of metal. The metal was probably 2 inches thick. He picked a drill bit the size of a coffee cup, maxed out the drill speed, and without any idea about what he was doing, began pressing buttons randomly. As luck would have it, he flipped the switch that caused the bit to auto-descend, spinning at max speed, and hit the metal. What ensued can only be described as loud screeching, sparks flying, billowing smoke, and fire. The student desperately tried to halt the drill, but it continued to descend no matter what he tried. In a complete panic, the student fled the scene and disappeared completely for an entire day. The drill eventually halted when the bit broke in half. When someone found him the next day, he wanted nothing to do with the shop and it's power tools after that. So there were no injuries, but still an exciting story nonetheless.

Then there was the story about the previous shop manager complaining to the administration that he wanted a new saw for the shop. They repeatedly denied his requests. One day when he was returning the saw to the shop from another operation on campus, the forklift he was using to carry it mysteriously jammed one of its levers and sent the lift and the saw into the brick wall. The saw ended up going through the brick wall and it was damaged beyond repair. No one believed him at first that it was an accident, but his story was so convincing that the insurance company believed him, and they paid for a brand spanking new saw. Whether it was an accident or not, I leave to the judgement of future historians..

Waking up With 2 Cats on Your Legs

I woke up at 4:30am. Approximately 1.5 hours earlier than I wanted to. This may have been the cause of lack of bed space due to sharing my bed with 2 other very large and very heavy cats. Pleading with my body to sleep for at least another hour, I woke up at 5:30 and proceeded to shower.

Having so much time before I needed to take off, I scrambled to put an extra hour into my computer games, games that I will probably never play again after a week or so due to the school workload.

Putting my coat on and loading my backpack, I stood in the front doorway dumbfounded and kicking myself for not remembering that it rains in Oregon. Of all the things I brought down from Portland, I forgot to pack my umbrella, and now I was faced with the prospect of standing in the rain for 15 minutes waiting for the bus.

Screw this. I hopped in my car and found a free parking spot relatively close to campus since it was only 6:45am. Plenty of time. I walked to the bagel store to get some cheap coffee and proceeded to inject it intravenously. Classes start 8am.

My GOD! What have I got myself into? I'm taking 5 classes which are all highly technical engineering classes. I just took 3 back-to-back, and I'm already starting to feel dizzy. In 30 minutes I have 2 more classes that are back-to-back, and I'm wondering if I overdid it this time. Even though I'm only taking 17 credits, I have absolutely no breather courses like "Film Studies" or "Introduction to Contemporary Stupid Stuff." We'll see how it goes.

For now, I'll just keep it cool, go with the flow, and try not to take things too seriously. It's only my entire future at stake here.

Update

I just added a mailing list feature to this website. For those of you who I added to the mailing list, this is an example of what an update will be like. For those of you who I did not add to the mailing list, you can add yourself by going to the mailing list page and adding yourself. Or if you think that's too hard, you can always email me at everistj@ucs.orst.edu and tell me yourself.

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Not in Korea, Day 1

The rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. It's not entirely true that this is the first day that I've been not in Korea. In fact, it's an outright lie. I've been back in the States for 11 days now. I've moved back to my university town of Corvallis, found a new apartment, collected my cat from the friend who was catsitting him, and am now killing the time away until school starts again on Monday.

All the waiting is boring me to death and it's just like all the waiting I did before I left Korea. And like Korea, I've been indulging myself in frivolous hedonistic activities such as computer games, reading books, and buying ice cream. *shudder* I'm eager for classes on Monday, so that I'll finally have a purpose in my life again.

My new roommate herself has 3 cats of our own, so in our tiny cramped apartment, we have 4 cats! Our apartment is like the Serengeti except without the wildebeast and zebras. Not to mention the crocodiles and elephants. Or the rolling grassy plains and torrential floods. Just a pride of lions that are always running around the house and getting into things they shouldn't be.

I am currently waiting for the cable guy to come on Thursday to install our broadband internet access. Once I get that, I'll finally be able to publish mountains of more pictures from my trip in Korea. Until then, you'll just have to suffer.

Korea, Day 86

My adventure here in Korea is coming to a close. I have 4 more days left before my plane leaves on September 17th. I know I haven't been writing a lot lately. This is mostly because I've been counting down the days until I leave. There's not much to do when you have no job, and you're tired of being a tourist.

Yesterday, I went to Beomeosa temple which is here in Pusan. The temple, like most Buddhist temples in Korea, is situated on a mountain, or large hill. Nearly all Buddhist temples are in the mountains because Buddhism was persecuted in the Josun dynasty in favor of Confucianism. Despite the dynasty's strong attempts, Buddhism still remains an integral part of Korean society today.

Beomeosa is one of the largest temples in Korea. It attained this status by having a large amount of shrines, a beautiful site, and being very wealthy. Beomeosa consists of one main temple site, followed by a dozen temple branches all over the mountain. To get to one of the branches, you have to hike up the mountain on a boulder path. Along the way, you see lots of calligraphy embedded in the landscape by monks in centuries past. Even the boulder path is impressive. One wonders how many man-hours it took to put those boulders in place to create a feasible hiking path.

Korea, Day 82

Yesterday was a day of animals. I have a few anecdotes about neglected pets in Korea. Plus I went to the Pusan Aquarium which had very impressive and beautiful exhibits.

So I was standing on the subway platform in Dongnae, waiting to take the train to Nampo-dong. I tiny dog was walking around, quite curious and quite lost. He may have been abandoned or just separated from his owner. Regardless, I could tell he was new to the streets since he was fairly clean and reasonably friendly. To my suprise, he walked into the subway train with the rest of the people when it arrived.

During the trip, he walked around looking nervous and seeking attention. He became startled by all the noises and the opening and closing door. He rode the train all the way to Jwacheon-dong which was about 15 miles away from where he started. Then he exited the train into an underground station. If he was lost before, he was really lost now. There wasn't a whole lot I could do for him, and no one else seemed to care that the dog was riding around, no fare and no owner.

Really this is a symptom of irresponsibility. Generally, Koreans don't treat their animals responsibly. You see a lot of baby cats and dogs in the care of people in public. But when they grow up, people become less interested in them, tired of their whining and mess-making, and subsequently neglect or abandon them.

The same day, I was walking by a small restaurant where a kitten lives. The cat often spends its time on a leash out front. The cat is not as playful as kittens are apt to be, probably because it's leash prevents it from doing anything interesting. When I walked by yesterday, I was shocked to see the young boy that was living there, hanging the cat by it's collar and watching it. Before I could get there, he dropped the cat and the kitty looked none too happy. It had the expression that it'd been hung like that before.

Needless to say, I yelled at the boy and he looked at me not quite knowing what to do. I said "Hajima!" to him (stop it!), which was the only thing I could think of to say in Korean in this situtaion. I rambled on in English a bit, gave him a dirty look and left. Maybe I embarassed him enough to stop it, but I doubt it.

I remember when I was kid about that age, I was very unhappy. Usually, I took out all my aggressions on our pets. The cat I was mean to, Misty, we've since become best friends, but it reminded me of those times when I saw that kid hanging the kitten and just watching it suffocate. I feel guilty and responsible for that kittens well-being, but what can I do in a foreign country, in which I'm leaving in a week, where cats don't get much respect?

Korea, Day 80

Hooray! I finally upgraded my weblog site and now the archives are showing properly like they're supposed to. With the upgrade, a whole bunch of other new features came that make my life easier. One in particular sends updates via email to a mailing address. These can be used to setup a mailing list, so those that are too lazy to come visit my website can instead receive it in their mail box. Cool huh?

I admit that I am starting to slack in the frequency of my posts. This is mainly due to my new sedentary lifestyle ever since I quit my job. So I've been spending this week playing Warcraft 3, reading Harry Potter, and watching various movies. Since I've already talked about Warcraft, I'll talk about Harry Potter.

I've been skeptical of the books and their striking popularity so much that I intentional avoided them for more than a year. I finally decided to start reading them since I could borrow the first 2 books for free from the English school I worked for. I finished each in a day. After that I had to buy the next 2 at the store. What strikes me about these books is that everything is written from the perspective of a child. The way things are set up in Hogwart's School are notoriously unfair. Punishment is given to the students indiscrimately and many of the teachers are absolutely terrible at what they do. You feel powerless to right any of the wrongs happening in the school. And when they are, they are usually done in an ad hoc sort of way that couldn't be really described as proper justice.

So I've finished the first 3 books and I'm holding off on the fourth since it's so big. Usually when I start reading a book, I can't stop until it's done. I usually neglect my personal needs such as food, water, and bathing. When I finish, I'm usually in a terrible state-- sweaty, hungry, and depressed from being inside all day doing nothing. I feel a lot better today since I haven't done any reading.

Korea, Day 77

This is my second day unemployed in Korea. I certainly am having a hard time finding things to do. So I've watched a couple movies now and spend way too much time in the PC bang. Currently I'm working on my Warcraft skills, specifically the Night Elves. The strategy isn't that difficult to master. It's managing hundreds of things at once and making quick decisions that are the parts I have a hard time with.

I also have a hard time working well in organized chaos that I become nervous and frustrated when something unexpected happens. Perhaps it's the perfectionist in me that's winning me over and making me cringe whenever I play the game. Regardless, I'm determined to play the game over and over again until I improve my skills and start making some wins.

2 days unemployed and I'm already getting bored. I've been watching the game channel on television where they have news about the newest computer games and also show Starcraft championships. I'm telling you, there should be something like this in the States. 2 geeks in a room with dozens of spectators. They're wearing costumes according to their race of choice, or perhaps to a clan? Some of them wear just normal clothes, but the thing that is common about them all is that their faces are expressionless and unexciting.

When the game begins, you're watching the game from observer mode as one of the spokesmen clicks through the game and watches the action. You have 3 people commentating and speculating on potential strategies. Usually the games don't last very long since these guys are very very good. After watching this for 2 days, I can tell you that most games end after a decisive battle, followed by the victor rushing the others base. The loser quickly surrenders and the game is over. The loser's face expression is of mild defeat. The winner's expression is plain and confident, like it's obvious that he should have won.

If something like this was in the States, it would have to be a bit more glamorous and sensational. Perhaps they'd take some tips from Battlebots and have busty babe announcers interview the contestants. Then they would duel with 486 computers in a special chamber with buzz saws and wall spikes. Then maybe and only maybe, would the American audience find it palatable enough to watch it on television.

Korea, Day 75

A typhoon ate my umbrella.

Or more specifically, it chewed it up and spit it back out at me. It seemed to be mocking me, humiliating me for buying that cheap $2.50 umbrella the day before with the realistic expectation that it would last at least 2 weeks. The typhoon made sure my umbrella didn't see more than one sunrise. I guess that teaches me for buying an umbrella made with metal-coated twigs.

Sentient storms aside, yesterday was my last day at school. I spent the entire day with my classes playing a special edition of Jeopardy with "Insult Jacob" and "Jacob's Cat" as special categories. Of course, the goal of this game is to get them to make perfect English sentences. The content of the sentences is not that important. One of my favorite questions in the "Cat" category is, "How cute is Jacob's Cat?" Any answer other than "Jacob's cat is very cute" was counted wrong.

I took pictures of all the kids that were in class that day. A lot of them were absent however since some public schools started their first day yesterday, and they were forced to go to orientation. I also received a few gifts. One kid gave me some cookies. Another gave me a handphone accessory. In one class, every student wrote me a goodbye card. I really wasn't expecting this amount of affection from the kids, and it kind of took me off guard. So much so that I became depressed and defeated the whole day. I really was sad to have it be all over.

There was also a pay dispute the day prior. They gave me too much money the previous month by their own incompetence, and now they wanted it back. Why they put this off until the end of the month, I cannot say. I tried to claim I was worth the money. I tried to get angry. I threatened and I blackmailed, but in the end, I realized that I had no cards to play since I was at the end of the job and nearly the entire foreign staff was changing hands. Not that the money was a big deal, but working in this kind of environment makes you hyper-defensive. In the end, a simple "I made a mistake" and "Please" from the Korean management was all it took to convince me to not press the issue. It's amazing what simple shows of respect can improve the attitude of your foreign employees.

On Monday I'm going up to Seoul to visit a friend. Before that I'll try to do some partying since I haven't done that in almost a month. I also need to take a trip to the immigration office to see if I can get a one day extension on my visa. My plane ticket is for the day after my visa expires.

Korea, Day 72

I had a dream the other night about a consumer village. This was something like a retirement home crossed with Amway. You lived and breathed marketing, and you had discipline probes attached to your person that shocked you whenever you thought impure thoughts such as saving money. I was trying to convince somebody that they should leave the consumer village, but there mind had been so manipulated that it was futile to argue with them. This is probably a manifestation of my growing frustration with the malleable minds people have. Also, with my recent discovery that Amway exists in Korea.

I don't know much about Amway per se, but I do know that they're one of those companies that depend on salesmen to utilize their friends and family and spend their life savings to initiate capital. I do recall that Amway got busted for a pyramid scheme in which only the people at the top got rich and everyone at the bottom lost money and their lives were ruined. So Amway's sleezy business practices had to be legitimized in the States, but no so in Korea. In Korea they have fresh, gullible minds that they can strangle with their seminars, focus groups and guest speakers-- for which they charge a fee of course.

Amway is a lot like the Church of Scientology in which they fish for fragile minds as a source of revenue. They manipulate these people, make them think they're doing the right thing, add peer pressure, water and a pinch of guilt, and you have a willing working grunt who will turn over their time and savings to the company.

I'm just afraid that Koreans are going to get hit harder than the Americans were since they haven't had as much time to develop a well-trained bullshit detector as they did in the West. Why, the other day I heard about a scam in which children entered their parents' credit card numbers to accessorize their instant messengers-- accessories which cost essentially nothing since they're virtual items. Don't ask me how this works since I didn't care that much to research it.

Now some more pictures.



This is typical Korean countryside as seen from the bus on the freeway. Everywhere there is untouched hills surrounded in a sea of rice fields. Apparently, all hills are owned by the government which is why none of them have been developed as someone's summer cabin.



A misspelling on a CD stand at a rest stop on the freeway. You see lots of misspellings and incorrect grammar in Korea. You also see a lot of English that makes absolutely no sense. I saw a shirt yesterday that said, "Oh she is so where."



In Icheon, we visited the pottery villages. Korea still has a large market for handmade goods, and this town is packed with small shops owned by individual artisans. This is a particularly fancy one.



Also the same shop, but showing very unique pottery that was very expensive. This pottery was made by one guy who is the only one in Icheon that does it. His work sells from 1.5 upward to 3.5 million won per. I wish I could have bought one, but the price was just too high and the pots were so big that I could not have safely carried them home.



A smaller quainter shop that specializes in more common things. This one has a lot of personality.



The same shop but inside. Notice that the shop is packed and stacked with pottery of all kinds.

Korea, Day 70

This weekend I was sick, again. I swear that I've been sick more times over 2 months in Korea than I've been in an entire year in the States. First I got some version of the flu that incapacitated and made me dizzy. That lasted for 3 days. Then I got a bout of diarrhea that lasted 2 days. Then I contracted an annoying rash that spread over my body and gave me a mild itch. That lasted about a month. Then I got more diarrhea this weekend which lasted about 3 days. What could cause so much sickness in such a short amount of time?

Probably sanitation is to blame. Although Koreans are generally clean and live in a clean environment, I'm not always certain that the food would meet minimum sanitation standards in the States. Another thing to blame would be the tap water. Although I don't drink it, I wash with it. Plus, most drinking water is purified tap water. One can only speculate on how well the purifiers work. Then there's the streets with their open sewers and nasty smells. I don't think I've come in physical contact with sewage, but the sewers might be a breeding ground for some kind of airborne microorganism that could cause annoying illness when contracted.

Despite all this, it is my last week of classes before I'm done. I'm kind of glad that it's almost over. Even though I have about 17 more days after I quit before I go home, I'm kind of anxious to return to the States and continue my work in academia. I'm also anxious to see my cat.

Before I get on the plane, I want to travel to Seoul and see the sights. I've never been up there, and I'd like to see a town larger than Pusan. My Korean might be considered provincial!

I had originally toyed with the idea of going to China while I'm nearby, but I've already gone over my allowed expenditures for my last trip. Any more and I'll be in the red. I'm going to break even on this trip between my expenses and earnings. I made just enough money to cover this entire adventure. The true cost of the experience was only the opportunity cost of lost money not made in a summer job in the States and lost time not spent doing something else. Not a bad deal!

Korea, Day 67

I had a dream last night that I came back to America and went to my parents house and saw that they had got 4 more cats. That's 4 on top of the 4 they have already which equals 8 cats. A couple of them had 2 tails and did not like to be pet. So I had to learn all of their names and figure out what their personalities were like. What makes this ironic is that my parents said that they didn't want any more cats and even refused to babysit my cat while I was away in Korea. I think this is my mind's idea of playing around with me since I've been thinking of my own cat a lot lately.

I gave out my test today. I didn't realize it, but I made it a lot harder than the last one. My last test was multiple choice, but this test had no multiple choice. To top it off, I disallowed having the story during the test which might have aided them. To be fair though, all the questions were pulled directly from the homework. If they didn't do the homework, then they I would find it very difficult to complete the test. I also provided extra credit to those who could answer questions about the story that were not in the homework but that we talked about in class. I also photocopied a picture of my cat into the test just for fun. I have yet to grade the tests.

I finally have some pictures.



This is the round bed in my room at the sleezy hotel in Jeonju. This was the fanciest place I stayed at however. If you look closely, you'll see curtains. These cover the window into the bathroom!



This is a picture of Jeonju bibimbap. Jeonju is supposedly famous for its bibimbap and this dish was 9000 won. Very expensive as far as bibimbap goes.



Jeonju is also famous for fans and this a picture from the fan museum/store. These are the traditional designs.



These are an alternate more practical design. This one happens to be very beautiful, so I took a picture of it.

Korea, Day 66

My day seems to be endless string of events sown together with intermittent madness. The toxic excitement of Korea seems to be wearing off, and I'm drifting into a hallucinogenic stupor. This happens to me sometimes late at night and prevents me from sleeping or doing anything productive. It does not prevent me from writing however.

Thousands of helpless monsters run down a road, never straying from the destination, determined to reach the end. All the while they are constantly shelled and mortared, pounded to death by turrets and towers built by me. I am killing them. And I am doing this for fun. When they die by my hand, I get money. With the money, I buy more turrets and kill more monsters. It is a vicious cycle.

This is a custom game for Warcraft 3 that I've been playing a lot lately. Playing Warcraft is not a rational action, but a mindless consumption of media drivel. I have found that my impulses tend to play the cooperative, modified games and tend to stray away from the one-on-one action that is most popular. Something about me does not like confronting human beings without some kind of moral support. This is why I like playing the cooperative games against the computer. Those mindless monsters walking down the road, being pounded to smithereens by my towers of death, bring some measure of satisfaction to my impulses, but does not eleviate my boredom. You could consider it a lot like chain-smoking. Once you finish one game, you have to play another.

Speaking of which, maybe I should take up smoking. Whenever I sit down in the PC bang, they always place an ash tray next to my mouse. The tray has a piece of paper that is purposely wetted to make extinguishing the cigarette and absorption of the ash much easier. I never use it. But the ash tray is calling to me. It says, "Make me dirty."

It is late in the PC bang, and there are far fewer people. Some guy at another desk is playing some very loud techno music. Periodically his buddy over the webcam voices the lyrics himself while dubbing out the song. A truly surreal event when you're in the type of mood I'm in.

I just got done watching a movie called, "Breakfast of Champions". I had never heard of it before, but it was playing on television with Korean subtitles. Bruce Willis was the star while he had more hair and before he became an action symbol. The movie drew me in because it had absolutely no coherency. The characters were talking past each other, lost in their own worlds, barely aware of each other. They were caught in their own autopilot, frustrated, afraid and lost while things got more and more out of control. It was quite enticing, and I soaked it up like a sponge.

Oh God! The techno has turned into some remix of "Oops I did it again". Please no webcam singing! Nooooo!!!

I am walking up the stairs. I am determined to reach my destination. A stumbling, half-drunk Korean man is ahead of me and opens the secret door that leads to the bathroom. I ask myself, is he aloud to use that bathroom? Does he half permission? Does he live here? Why would someone put a bathroom there?

The lyrics sound something like, "Ziggy Bounce, Ziggy Bounce". I remember this from the DDR machines in the arcade rooms. Right step, left step, center step. Right foot and left foot together, jump 1 and 2. "Woot there it is!" Does this music never stop? "Nah, nah , nah. Can't get you out of my head"

I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow in class. The kids finished the curriculum that I had planned for the entire week today. I have Thursday empty. Friday is a test and a game. I don't know what game I'm going to play either. Tomorrow I can do review, or I can do some sort of plan where I talk about myself all day. Of course, Thursday is not a good time for new vocabulary since they're already overworked by the Korean teacher and myself combined. Friday they have a test with me and a test with the Korean teacher. My curriculum is a lot harder than hers, but she does a lot of grammar teaching while I work on reading comprehension and conversation. We read very hard stories and then we do worksheets on them. We pick out new vocabulary words and study them. My test will consist of questions copied directly from the worksheets. I'll add a few extra credit questions of my own design at the end of the test.

I must sleep now. Here's a picture of my cat.

Korea, Day 65

My New Zealander friend approaches the counter after we've ordered our pizza. He clears his throat and adds, "One more thing." He abruptly puts his forearms together to form an "x" sign, and says firmly to the Korean standing behind the counter, who barely understands English, "No Corn!" This is the scene that repeatedly makes me laugh whenever I think about it.

I only went to get pizza with him twice and both times he did this. However, we went to Dominos both times, and they don't put corn your pizza unless you order it, unlike all other Korean pizza parlors. I think it was his adamant disapproval of corn, and his repeated insistence that it not be on his pizza that makes me laugh. It's too bad I haven't seen him in several weeks.

I've also been meaning to get the photos up on the web, but it's a painful process to do. I don't have my own computer connected to the internet, so I have to use other people's computers. I have to get my photos onto the computer using a Smart Card reader. It also only works on those that have USB ports. Then I have to use an image editor such as Photoshop to resize them from their gigantic 640k size, to a more manageable and downloadable 10k. All these steps and the varying circumstances for each computer makes it a complicated and arduous process. I promise I will publish some soon.

Korea, Day 64

Hello, my name is Jacob.

Okay, goodbye

Korea, Day 63

I got home from my vacation yesterday and am settling back into my life in Pusan. School this morning was just like a typical Monday except I was a little more tired than usual.

I totaled it up yesterday, and I calculated that I spent approximately 750,000 won on my 5-day vacation trip. This includes bus fares, food, motels, and buying stuff.

To continue from yesterdays story, I was in the small folk village of Hahue, and I just found a place to stay at a "minbak" or homestay. The main occupant was an old lady of about 70 or 80. She did her best to keep us comfortable and offered to serve us dinner or breakfast for a small fee.

The room I stayed in was a pretty traditional room with only a floor and no furniture. The blankets were laid on the floor and a mosquito net placed over the blankets. This was quite handy to keep out the bugs since there were so many of them in the countryside. The bathroom was simply an outhouse 10 meters away from the home. The bathroom consisted of a hose and buckets that only ran cold water. There was a small, old-school television in my room, but it only received one channel.

The entire village is basically a completely preserved traditional village. All the houses have been around for at least a hundred years with only replacement repairs. It's a lot like a theme park except that there's real people living in these houses. Basically, the village of Hahue has been designated a Cultural Treasure and the people in it, Human Cultural Assets. This means that some people receive government stipends depending on what their value is to the Korean people.

The entire town is under a lot of laws too. The people cannot make modern modifications to their property. They have to preserve their property as well as their lifestyle. This also makes for some very interesting economic situations. Like I said yesterday, nearly every house in the village rents out rooms to tourists to make some money. People also run some restaurants, small convenience stores, and souvenir shops. Their economy is also very dependent on the season since their are hardly any visitors in the Spring or Fall, but many in the Summer and Winter.

The town also suffers from a lack of youth. All the people that live their now, are descended from or were living in the village when it was designated a Cultural Asset in the 70's. Most people in the town are very old people, mostly women. There are a few young people but not many. This makes you wonder what will happen in 20 years when most of these occupants die and their property passes on to their children who live in Seoul or some other big city. Are they even allowed to sell their property? As you can imagine, I think the government keeps the residents' hands tied, so they have no way of improving their economic conditions.

One of the most ridiculous things I saw while I was in Hahue was the house of a famous family. I don't remember the name, nor did I find out why the family was famous, but I got to tour the house, along with hundreds of other people. The funny thing is that the descendants of the family were relaxing and eating dinner while people were walking in their yard and taking pictures. I took a picture too, and the ridiculousness of it is something that should be seen.

The whole reason Hahue came under government protection is their mask drama. Hahue, for centuries, performed a play for the villagers using the exact same masks since around the 14th and 15th century. The reason this is unique is that in most other mask plays in Korea, the masks were subsequently burned after they were done. These masks were not.

The masks were sent to the museum in Seoul. The drama was reconstructed from elders who still remember its last performance in 1928. Finally, the entire town and its inhabitants were declared a cultural asset. One of the main economic actvities of inhabitants of Hahue is making replicas of the original masks. Some are very small, some are very big, some are made from the original alder, while others are made of more practical pine. Most are handmade, but some are manufactured. There are several stores dotted all over Hahue with masks made by many different artists.

One of the pecularities about the artists is that the elders are barely known and the younger newer artists have the reputation. This is partially because of the relics of the class system from the Josung Dynasty. Artisans were all low class and therefore were worth nothing. The old artisans never put their name on their masks because they didn't consider themselves worth promoting. The young artisans later decided that it might be a good idea and started gaining a reputation while selling masks at obscene prices. It's kind of sad that the old, experienced elders become forgotten while the new generation gets all the credit. But when you look at it, they're all just copying the original masks. There is no room for innovation or creativity, so these people can be considered in the same category as scholars of Confucian classics, slaves to the past and hostile to anything new.

I also had my favorite Korean dish, Andong Jimtak at Hahue village. It tasted a lot like it was homemade, and it was since it was served at someone's house converted to a restaurant. It wasn't as spicy and didn't taste quite as good as it does in the restaurants in Pusan. This is surprising since Andong is where Andong Jimtak came from. But I suppose the poor facilities in Hahue can be partially to blame.

Korea, Day 62

The cheap motel room I was talking about 2 days ago turned out to be a very uncomfortable experience. Perhaps my brooding over all the shortcomings and the lack of ventilation contributed to my feeling of claustrophobia. The room was pitch black at night and the air was stale. I was worried that if I fell asleep, I might die from asphyxiation or something. It also contributed to a feeling of loneliness and depression that was difficult to shed. The television in the room was an unexpectedly welcome friend.

After waking up very early at 3am and lingering until 7am, I left to catch my bus to Andong. I had one destination in Andong and it was Hahwae village about 25 minutes out of town. When I exited the bus terminal in Andong, I had an offer from a taxi driver to take me to Hahwae for the low low price of 22,000 won. It was quite preposterous, so I elected to take the periodic bus. I had about an hour until the bus came, so I strolled around the streets dragging my luggage behind me.

One Korean city looks much like any Korean city. You have the same shops, the same market peddlers, taxis, buses, and the same multi-story buildings. When you're walking around the town carrying luggage and looking like your going somewhere, you get a lot of eager honks from taxi drivers wondering if you need a lift.

The use of car horns is very utilitarian in Korea. In the States, it is usually a means to express rudeness or one's displeasure with another driver. In Korea, it is used as a means to call attention to oneself. Bus drivers commonly honk to pedestrians or other cars in the road to let them know that they're passing through, and they should be wary of getting hit. It's not rudeness, but courtesy.

So the bus came and took me to Hahwae village. The first thing I did was watch the Andong mask performance that started at 3pm. This is an old play involving music, dancing, and acting. It's a satire criticizing the class system in the Josung Dynasty, among other things. The whole thing was in Korean, so it's difficult to follow what's going on without help. The best part is when the dancing cow comes out, endowed with a huge penis and testicles, walking around the arena and periodically pissing on the audience. Every character in the play wears a traditional mask, and each player dances in a particular fashion that is very fitting for the character. I will have to show pictures of the masks later.

After this, I went into the village which charged an admission of 3000 won. Strange is it not? I immediately became suspicious of what this place really was. The first thing that happened to me was I was hounded by an old woman of about 70 or 80 asking me if I needed a place to sleep. I turned down her offer since I didn't want to commit to anything when I just got here.

I later learned that there are a few people in this village who get referral fees if they find a tourist to stay at a person's house. Homestays are called "minbak" in Korean and the town was full of them. The first priority was to find a minbak to stay at and drop off the luggage. So I aimlessly wandered through the village until I was off the beaten path, found a house that advertised minbak, and asked for a room. The price was only 20,000 won, but I paid 25,000 won to get the larger room.

Sorry, but I have to go now to catch my bus back to Pusan. I actually missed the first bus by standing at the wrong stop, so I've been killing time in PC bang until then. I'll finish my description of Hahwae village in my next installment.

Korea, Day 60

This morning, waking up in Icheon, I took the bus to the Moga Buddhist Museum just out of town near Yeoju. This place was really out in the middle of nowhere. Lots of countryside, rice fields, and old buildings. The buddhist museum was basically a large courtyard filled with numerous sculptures and a large 4-story building containing more interesting statues and artifacts, along with a fully stocked souvenir shop.

A lot of the exhibits were contemporary crafts made by the owner or several of his associates. There were many old-style crafts but also a lot of contemporary art which looked a lot more like postmodernism than religiously-motivated art. Of course, there were a couple shrines, one of which was devoted to the father of Korea, Tangun. It's common with temples that you are not allowed to take pictures inside. This is unfortunate for me since I'd like to show you what they look like.

The museum also had its own restaurant which sported Buddhist monk cuisine. Again I had bibimbap, but this kind was made mostly of mountain vegetables instead of the lowland vegetables I'm used too. I also ordered a traditional alcoholic drink called dodongju. It was actually called kogcha on the menu which literally means "crop tea". Apparently this is a purposeful subtlety because drinking alcohol is not allowed for monks. Instead they called it tea, so they didn't feel so guilty. The drink itself was a lot like rice milk except it had a sweet alcohol taste to it that was quite good.

It was bound to happen and it did. Some of my pottery broke yesterday in transit to the yeogwan I was staying at. Specifically, a tea cup and another tea accessory. I could be partially to blame, but probably most of the blame is on the person who sold it to me. The lady wrapped the pottery in newspaper instead of any kind of good insulation, so it was only a matter of time before something cracked in transit. This accident has prompted extra measures to protect the rest of the pottery. A towel and pieces of my clothing have been added to the insulation, and those that could safely be done so, were laid safely to rest in my luggage. Those that were too fragile for my bag remained in a gift bag that is carried around separately.

Perhaps the logistical problems in transporting arts and crafts around Korea in buses only occurred to me periphally when I started out on this adventure. However now, I am realizing that a car would have made my life 10 times easier and allowed me to buy much larger things. But I just don't trust cars enough to do so. A couple of things today somewhat vindicated my sentiments.

When I was standing at the bus station, waiting for my bus to arrive, another bus began pulling into the parking spot that I was standing in front of. I was standing on the sidewalk, feeling very safe. However, the bus was coming in at around 15mph and showed no signs of slowing its approach. So I instinctively began walking backwards afraid that the bus was about to hit me. The bus went from 15mph to 0 in less than a second and stopped a little over a foot from where I was standing. The front rim of the bus was well over the spot that I was originally standing at. Imagine yourself standing on a train track leading into a stone wall. You have 3 feet behind you to the stone wall and a train is swiftly approaching you. Now imagine that train stopping an inch from your face right before it squished you against the wall, and that's how I felt.

I finally saw a traffic accident today. This is the first time I've ever seen a traffic accident in Korea. It was not pretty. It involved a normal sized car and a moped driver for Dominos Pizza. As you can imagine, the moped driver got the short end of the straw in this gamble. The man was simply lying on the street, motionless, while the occupants of the other car patiently waited for presumably the police or an ambulance. I didn't know if he was dead or not, but there was no blood on the street, the man was still wearing a helmet (a rare sight among Korean motorcyclists), and the man was lying only 2 or 3 meters away from where his bike was wedged under the car that hit him. I only saw this scene briefly from the bus I was in, so I'm only describing this from 5 seconds of observation.

Finally, I've arrived here in Chaechun, an intermediate stop on the way to Andong. There were no direct buses to Andong from Icheon, so this is where I'm staying for the night. I'm catching the train to Andong in the morning. I'm actually staying in the cheapest place I've ever been in. For only 15,000 won, I get a small room, with a bathroom and small tub. Barely cleaned, no bed, the blankets have funny stains on them, the toothbrush from the last tenant is still available for my reuse, no fridge, no airconditioner, and more importantly, no ventilation. So the room's air is pretty stale and the smells from the bathroom carry into the sleeping room. These are the kinds of places that US immigrants stayed in the early 20th century in New York. Whenever there was a fire, the results were disastrous. Many of the occupants died from suffocation before they ever saw the smoke because of the lack of ventilation.. Exciting is it not?

Korea, Day 59

I've been on the road a couple days now. I left Pusan 10:30pm Tuesday night. I headed for Kwangju and didn't get there until 3 am. The reason I went to Kwangju was not for sight-seeing, but I needed to go there first to catch the bus to Tamyang.

The weather was pretty rainy and motels were nowhere in sight. I brought my new REI luggage case which was actually very large and cumbersome. It has wheels, but I forgot that there was an extendable handle beneath one of the zippers. As a result, I was pulling the thing around while hunched over to keep it on its wheels. Needless to say, this was very uncomfortable and doubly so because it was raining.

The first yeogwan found was the one I stayed at. It cost 30,000 won for one night, no bed, and lots of blankets. It was a fairly fancy place even though it was small. The price was a bit inflated, but I suppose that's all you can find this close to the bus terminal.

I hopped on the bus in the morning to Tamyang, a city famous for its bamboo. I came here specifically to see the bamboo crafts and buy some good quality bamboo stuff. I took the taxi to the bamboo museum which coincidentally had the only bamboo market place in town. There were lots of traditional crafts and antiques in the museum, but there was nothing of real value in that museum. Nothing that was over 100 years old anyway. The shopping was far more exciting. There were lots of things ranging from bamboo rugs, cups, and beating sticks. There was actually a wide variety of sticks used for violence. One type was used in the Buddhist temples by the monks for students who fall asleep or doing something wrong. Another is typically used in schools. These sticks are actually called "Love Sticks." I bought a couple and thought I'd take them to my class on Monday to see how my students react :).

After shopping and getting soaked, I hopped on the bus and headed for Jeonju. This is a town famous for bibimbap, a vegetable rice dish that I'm quite fond of, and fans. It was also the host of some World Cup games, so the place is a fair tourist town. Arriving in the evening, I partook of traditional bibimbap, did some walking in the lotus garden park, and finally fell asleep in a sleezy love motel. My room had a round bed, a continuous porn channel, a free selection of porn videos, a giant mirror on the wall, and a huge window into the bathroom. This too was only 30,000, and it was certainly a much better stay than the previous yeogwan.

In the morning, I went to a traditional folk village transformed into a tourist trap. There were shops there that were actually crosses between museums. They displayed crafts of all types, some of which were for sale, and some of which were not. It sounds like a great marketing strategy. There were a couple shops devoted to fans which had absolute masterpieces for only 2,000,000 won and cheaper, smaller, quainter imitations for only 5,000 won. Fortunately, I was self-restrained enough because I already bought a couple fans in Tamyang. I didn't needlessly waste my money.

It was around this time that I realized that my travel luggage had an extendable handle which improved the quality of my vacation by 4-fold. I no longer had to hunch over when walking with my luggage.

After Jeonju, I headed off to Icheon, a town famous for pottery. I got here around 3:30, found a yeogwan for 25,000 won, and headed off to the pottery village. There is actually a section of town where only ceramics craftsmen live and sell there works. I believe they sell almost exclusively to tourists, but I find this very difficult to believe since there were so many small shops scattered about the village. Because the quality and beauty of the pottery was quite startling, and the fact that anything like it in the States would be 10 times the price at half the quality, I quite literally lost control and spent almost 80,000 won on varied pieces of pottery. Unfortunately I had to settle for smaller, cheaper pieces of pottery since some of the more amazing pottery is upwards of 3,000,000 won and the size of half my body. Transporting this back to the US via plane can be a dangerous, stressful, and frightening experience. I had no choice but to avoid the large pottery.

Luckily, I walked off the beaten path of pottery stores and found a good store that sold similar pieces to all the other stores at half the price. I was able to get some Goryo Dynasty style pottery for only 34,000 won. Equivalent pottery in just about every other store would cost 70,000 won.

So I bought an obscene amount of ceramics, and I'm wondering if I overdid it a little. Pottery is still cheaper here in Icheon than it is in Pusan. So I feel justified in buying all the little things I did.

Tomorrow I go to the Moga Buddhist Museum which is about 30 minutes away. I'm not sure what I'm going to find, but maybe I'll find some more collectible crap there too. I really hope not though.

Korea, Day 57

I wrote up evaluations on Sunday, distributed them Monday, and gave the Korean translations today. Normally, report cards are only sent out once a month, and the foreign teachers only have a minimal involvement in the process. I felt it was necessary to give my own evaluations 2 weeks early since I wanted to see my kids improve, and I wanted to see them do it while I was still their teacher. Next week is my last week, and if I waited until the end of the month to give report cards, the effectiveness of those reports would seriously be damaged.

So evaluation consists of 2 grades, followed by my own comments. Let me give you a couple examples. (Note:The English nicknames have been changed to protect the privacy of the students.)

"Natasha is a good student and good at doing work, but she seems very unhappy and unenthusiastic in class. I have a difficult time getting her to participate in class, so her listening and speaking skills are not as good as they could be. She is good at written work, but not good at following the conversation in class. If she paid attention a little more in class, her skills would greatly improve."

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"June is a good student and well motivated. However, her test turned out unexpectedly poor. Judging from her performance in class, I believe this is only a fluke and that the next test will be substantially better. I am not worried.

"My main concern however is June's inability or unwillingness to speak loudly. I have a difficult time hearing her in class. She needs to be able to speak louder otherwise communicating with foreigners will be virtually impossible. English is not a soft-spoken language, and Betty needs to learn to speak with more conviction in her words."

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"Ted has a difficult time doing his homework and studying. He also does not pay attention in class, so his ability to speak and listen seriously suffers. Franklin's listening and speaking skills could improve if he put more effort into his studies.

"Ted does not focus in class and is very disruptive to the other students. I have had to discipline him numerous times for disrupting the class. He also persists to make rude comments to me in Korean. This behavior needs to stop."

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Tomorrow is the start of a 5-day weekend, and I'm taking the opportunity to tour around Korea. I plan to do a lot of gift shopping on this trip, so I'll keep you posted.

Korea, Day 56

Still raining. In fact, it's become quite cold. So cold in fact that I woke up with my blanket completely covering my body and shivering a bit from the fan. Of course, it's still a bit warm, but it's drastically more comfortable than it was a week ago.

I've become quite used to taking cold showers. When I first moved into my yeogwan, the water was intermittently warm, but now it's always cold. I wonder if they gradually turned it off on purpose to conserve energy. Of course, the American in 201 can't complain since he doesn't speak any Korean.

I don't really mind though. On those warm summer days when you're sweating up a storm, taking a cold shower is actually quite nice. It's a terrible relief from the sickening heat. This morning however was excrutiatingly cold. It's been cold and raining for almost 6 days now and that has drastically reduced the temperature of the water. So this morning I felt like I was skinny-dipping in glacier water. It's amazing the capacity one has for shouting a continuous stream of swear words while dousing one's body with frigid water.

Korea, Day 53

It's been raining now for about three days straight. Consequently we've received some much needed relief from the blistering humid heat. It's actually starting to feel a lot more like home back in Oregon. There we have lots of rain and lots of cold weather. I'm quite at home here, although I still don't think I could use my trenchcoat because I'd still end up sweating in it.

I'm administering tests to my kids today. It's actually a very difficult test, but there's no reason why the majority of them don't get at least 90%. I basically took questions right out of the homework we've been doing for this week. I even told them that I'm giving a test based on the homework. Sadly, my average is about 70 with a few outliers scoring 10%. The people who get low scores are the ones who did not complete their homework enthusiasticly. "Enthusiastic" was actually one of our vocabulary words that about 75% of my kids got.

I basically have 10 questions, each of them 10 points each for a total of 100. 7 are multiple choice and 3 are fill in the blanks. Most students were smart enough to attempt every question, but a couple students left half of the test blank which severely hurt their score. One or two students managed to get the wrong answer with amazing accuracy and consistency in nearly every question.

I'm worried about my last class though since, as a whole, they scored the lowest on the homework. They are my next class, and they still need to take the test. Yesterday they did so poorly, I took advantage of extra time to review the vocabulary words with them. I hope this will help.

Of course, one of the factors that works strongly against my efforts is students' peers. The amount of friends and distractions in class seems to be proportional to the rate of a student's performance. My class with the least amount of students performs the best while the large classes tend to suffer more. A couple students tend to be catalysts for disrupting the whole class. They don't do much by themselves, but they elicit behavior from the other students that tends to really compromise class focus.

So now I have to figure out what I'm going to do with these scores. The scores in and of themselves are not that useful. I have to wield them in such a way to encourage, inform, and motivate my students to do their best. How do I best go about doing this? I have some really low scores, and I'm not quite certain how to handle failure. I really don't think students deserve to fail per se, but I believe that they could do substantially better than they did. So how do I approach this delicate issue with 5th and 6th grade students?